Priya's Ponderings

Friday, August 18, 2006

Dad's @Work

Amazing story from my husband's office today :

One
of his colleagues has a 4 year old son. Yesterday his son's school was
off, and his wife was ill, so he decided to bring his son over to the
office for a few hours.

The kid had a blast - playing games on
dad's computer, going over to the pantry for chips, chocolates and
cola(pesticides not withstanding )and generally lapping up the
attention of the entire team till it was time to go home.

Scene @ colleagues home today morning :
Son - "Mummy I want to go to papa's office - not to school"
Mum : "Papa works hard in the office, and you have so much fun at school"

I guess his wife hasn't visited the office as yet ;-)

Singing in the rain

It
was brown, muddy and looked very dirty. I was thinking, rather
fervently praying that he does not spot it. But Oh no! too late my two
year old son saw the dirty puddle of water and jumped right in it.

He
was wearing white shoes (How dumb of me why do I need to make him wear
white shoes??? And why did I buy him white shoes in the first place?
Who in their right mind wears white shoes? Why do they make white shoes
at all? )

And the first splash did the damage. Sigh! the shoes were never going to be white again.

The
he started exploring a bit more. Not content splashing with his feet he
started splashing the water with his hands. Two more kids joined him -
much to the horror of their mothers.

I took a deep breath and
started doing my motherly duty “ I asked him to come out, begged him,
pleaded with him, scolded him. Then gave up. I stood in a corner and
decided to behave like an onlooker and boy!! were the 'puddle kids'
attracting attention. They were literally surrounded by other 'well
behaved' kids and their mothers.

Then my son decided it was time
to sit in the muddy puddle (There goes the new green T-shirt and the
smart capris I brought him). Splash, splash, splash and hysterical
laughter.

Suddenly I spotted my husband.

Me: 'Pleazzeee you have to show him some sense and get him out.'

Husband
Looking nonchalant as though this is something we do every day) 'What's
the point now? He is already dirty. Let him enjoy himself.'

Me: 'But what about catching an infection.'?

Husband: 'He will be fine. Anyway what can we do now'?

Me: 'Ok but I refuse to pick him up and take him home.'

Husband: 'Ok I will do it.'

Finally
son was done with splashing, singing, dancing and drinking (yuck
yuck!!!!) the water. So husband casually picked him up - filth and all
and started taking him home. And they were a sight. Son was dripping
water all over my husband's T-shirt and it actually looked like both of
them had been sumo wrestling in the mud.

Then I spotted her - The 'well manicured babe' in the place where I stay.

First she stared at the husband and son and then looked at me and asked, 'Your son?'

I smiled, 'Yeah, my son and my husband somewhere underneath all that mud and filth.'

Before and After

People
who have kids will vouch for one fact - that once the little bundle of
joy arrives things change. Its a positive change, I mean at least in my
case there is not one dull moment, but things are definitely different
and how..

Movie Time:

Before: You simply take off to watch every flick in town (in case you are a movie buff) with just 10 minutes of planning.

After:
Movies? It is only for the brave hearts. If you can live with the sight
of a naughty toddler throwing popkorn on all and sundry, rolling and
turning cartwheels on the aisles and dripping juice on the floor then
you must go head. (This is a worst case scenario there and some little
angels you sleep off in theaters but mine is different).

Eating Out:

Before: The fancier the restaurant the better. And yes you can crib about the service after all you are paying for it.

After:
Thank God for Udupi. Well the less fancier, and quicker the restaurant
the better. My toddler loves tearing tissue papers into the tiniest
pieces and throwing them as confetti all over the floor. His other
activities include banging spoons on the table, spluttering water all
over the table, going to the other diners and maybe taking a bite of
their dosas. And don't even think of cribbing about the service, I mean
imagine if they asked you to clean the mess.

Shopping Time:

Before: Shop till you drop.

After:
Essentials only. That too stock on grocery and stuff in bulk. Planning
to buy your self that special dress? Well maybe you can wait a bit. My
toddler's favorite pastime while clothes shopping is peeking through
the bottom of changing room doors and playing peek-a-boo. It sure does
call for some uncomfortable moments¦

Nap time:

Before: AAh the luxury of an afternoon nap after a tiring week at work.

After:
Hmm..Now that can be another blog for sure...Toddlers and weekend naps.
I would like to think that most toddlers are so fond of their dads that
the minute they sense that it is a weekend they stop sleeping. Lets
leave it at that..

Patience:

Before: Every red light elicited a curse.

After: Are you kidding? Why stress on the small stuff?

Ps - Yes patience and tolerance are two things which seem to dramatically increase once you become a parent.

Barney and the K serial

Ok,
first things first, once you become a parent you can say goodbye to
most of your staple soaps on T.V. I mean once the kid is a little older
you don’t want him asking uncomfortable questions so you have to censor
what you watch.

And in my case the minute I touch the remote my
son wants to watch one of his DVD’s. So I have managed to find a middle
path we watch the K soap along with the Barney CD and thankfully my two
year old does not seem to mind. So what we do is the minute the K
serial gets too heavy we switch to Barney and the minute the song on
Barney gets done we switch to the K soap.

So let me recap one of the soaps I recently watched.

Ok
so the dadaji of the house summons the bahu and gives her a long
lecture on the parampara of the house. I heard the lecture for a good
30 seconds but then it started reminding me of the lectures I got as a
teenager from my dad so we switched to Barney.

So on Barney these 3 cute kids started singing ‘One two buckle my shoe with a lovely song and dance routine’.

Ok song done back to soap.

The
poor lectured bahu has tears streaming down her face and she starts
looking at a distance with a popular old Hindi song in the background.

And on Barney the kids start singing ‘Incy wincy spider went up the water spout’.

On
the K soap… The bahu is now in the kitchen making chai-nashta, and
Mom-in-law starts giving her lecture on how well meaning pa-in-law is.
(Belch time to change channels.)

On Barney the cute kids start mixing colors and messing up the place with the song ‘When you mix red and blue you get purple.

The bahu is now crying on bhabi’s shoulder and recounting the lectures she has received. (Tragic)

On
Barney the kids are now eating lunch so you have the lunch song
‘Macaroni, macaroni Mac and cheese three times daily pretty please.’

On
the soap, one strange looking woman is now plotting to ruin the family.
(Why bother all that weeping and lecturing will anyway do the trick.)
She is giving detailed instructions to someone on the phone while some
other family member is conveniently snooping through the door.

On Barney its naptime. The kids are singing ‘I like my yellow blankey in the day and night.’

The Bahu is now traditionalizing herself by lighting a lamp in front on God and singing an arti.

On Barney its time to end the show with Barney singing ‘I love you, you love me we are a happy family.’

My son and I also join in grinning from ear to ear….

This is surely the best way to watch a K soap.

Knocked Out Cold -- Kid me not

"Knocked out Cold" has taken an entirely new meaning in our household these days.
Son
has had a cold for the last week, and he now reminds me of Arnie in
Terminator,i.e 'I'll be back'. The moment I think the lil' tyke has
fallen asleep, he will sit up again , resetting the bedtime clock by an
hour at the minimum.
At the end of all that, I am one who is ready
to be 'Knocked Out Cold'. As my sons' pediatrician never tired of
saying, 'For a cold, I usually prescribe a sedative, for the mother,the
baby will do fine by himself . ;-)

Top Ten

Things which women get upset about:

- Breaking out into a pimple before an important party/or anytime

- Eating too much on given day

- Eating too less on a given day

- Being the last one to hear some important piece of gossip

- Not being wished on their birthday

- The (oh! so boring) response “Hey I never stop you should have brought what you liked on your birthday/anniversary”

- Being compared with mom (Theirs and ours)

- Missing out their favorite soap (That’s how the Saas-Bahu sagas thrive)

- Wet towels left all over the house (eeks!)

- When men don’t listen (Even pretending to listen is good enough)

Things men (might) get upset about:

Am guessing…

- India loosing the cricket match

- Ten sports disappearing on the eve of an important match

- Constant nagging on weight/cleanliness (but that’s the only way to make them listen)

-
Being made to clean up the mess they make in the kitchen after cooking
their grand gourmet meal (Usually cleaning the mess takes as much time
as cooking the meal)

- Back seat driving or being told that they don’t drive well

- Being told that they have lost the way

Women and Maps

There
is something about a map which just makes a woman freeze. And what does
not help matters is the fact that the men in our lives decide to give
us a session on map reading when they are driving, hopelessly lost and
obviously too proud to ask for directions.

Man: Hey I think I took a wrong turn.

Woman: Ok so let's stop and ask someone for directions.

Man: No, we have the Eicher City Map. Just tell me where does Hosur Road turn into Sankey's Road .

Woman: Oh no! Baby's chewed some parts of the map.

Man: No problem you just see where does the road curve.

Woman: Looks strange to me. I mean what are these pointed structures.

Man: You are holding the map upside down! Can't you see?

Woman: Sorry! Ok what did you want me to check? Its kinda complicated there are so many squiggles and lines and stuff.

Man: Those are just roads and turns. Please do me a favor find Hosur road on this map.

Woman: It's such a huge map. Give me moment will you? Will that be on the left side of the map or the right?

Man:
Here give me the map let me see it myself. See it is so simple take the
next right then the left, we get to a T junction and then another
right. Bingo!

Woman: Hey! Did you see that sign..

Man:
No, I did not, I wish you would stop looking around and concentrate on
the task at hand. I mean you are so chicken brained at times that you
will tell me what the woman in the next car is wearing but not what is
there right in front of your eyes.

After traveling half a kilometer?

Man: Oh! No when did they block this road? And why is there no sign?

Woman:
That's precisely what I was trying to tell you half a kilometer back.
If only you would stop looking at maps and look around a bit more you
would not miss the obvious.
(Smirk, smirk)

Monday, July 24, 2006

Him and Her

Woman: You know all my conversations with him can be managed with a fixed set of responses:

Oh yeah!, Hmmm, Ok, That’s Great, Hmm – Saves me a lot of energy and effort, since I don’t even have to hear what he is saying.

And the best thing is he thinks I am a terrific listener!

Man: You know there is a great match on the telly today

Woman: Oh Yeah!

Man: Tendulkar might be playing today.

Woman: Hmmm

Man: Though bhajji is doubtful

Woman: Ok

Man: Think will get some coke and catch the whole match

Woman: That’s great

Man: I wish they would not give so many advertisements though

Woman: Hmm…

Man: I think Dravid is the man to watch out for this time.

Woman: Hmm..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: You know most of my conversations with her can be managed if I just say You look great and You don’t look fat after every one sentence and Yes, You are Right the rest of the time. That way I never have to hear what she is saying.

Woman: I brought a new dress should I show it to you?

Man: Yes

Woman: Actually I am wearing it – so obviously you did not notice. Do I look fat in it?

Man: You look great.

Woman: I know you are flattering me.

Man: Yes

Woman: Yes????

Man: You don’t look fat at all.

Woman: You know X told me today that I have great taste.

Man: Yes that’s right

Woman: I always manage to pick the right colour and cut.

Man: Yes

Woman: But I still think I look fat in it.

Man: You look great.

Woman: It is the pick of the season.

Man: Yes, you are right as always....

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Mars and Venus

Man: We have to go out on Saturday night.

Woman: Oh! shit you should have told me earlier.

Man: It is only Wednesday, 2 full days to go.

Woman: I have nothing to wear

Man: Hey! You have three cupboards full of clothes.

Woman: But they are all useless. Anyway let�s see.

Wednesday Evening: Phone sessions with pals on what to wear.

A quick shopping session to get some clothes.

Thursday: Another shopping session to return the clothes and get a something more appropriate.

Friday Morning: A dekko of the cupboard to see it there is anything worth wearing.

Friday Afternoon� More phone calls and advice from pals.

Woman: A relaxing afternoon nap�.I have it all figured out.

Friday Evening � Panic rising�.

Woman: Do we absolutely have to go out? I have nothing to wear and I am breaking out in a few pimples.

Man: Don�t worry no one will look at you.

Woman: Yeah ok, I feel so wonderful about myself now.

Saturday morning: Panic touches the roof. Frantic discussions with mom, friends and all and sundry on the party at night and the dressing strategy�

Woman: Still no clothes and I am looking fat in most of the ones I have.

Man: hmm�..We need to go by 7.30

6.45 p.m. � 15 clothes tried and discarded

7 p.m.- Frantic rummaging in the suitcase for more clothes, all tried and discarded

The house looks like a war zone with clothes, shoes and bags strewn all around.

Man: Hey hurry up we have to leave.

Woman: I will be back in a sec I have the perfect skirt but X has borrowed the shirt.

Man: Hey you should have planned this earlier. I told you two days ago. Why don�t you wear something else?

Woman: That�s the only dress which does not make me look fat. Will just be gone and back.

7.25: Woman back with 4 more tops and a hectic last minute consultation.

7.45: Man: Hurry up puleez�We need to get there.

7.50: FINALLY

Woman: Dressed and ready to go.

Man: You look great, not fat, tall and all that but Isn�t this the first dress you tried on?

Woman: Oh! Is it? I always make the best choice the first time around! Just needed to confirm it.